Getting a Criminal Background Check

I know…I haven’t been here for awhile. I’ve been in a tsunami of red tape. Amazingly enough the wonderful, technologically advanced USA has given me the most grief… You can have all the computers you want but if they’re ran by the Planet of the Apes you are going to have problems. And that’s what happened. I needed a Birth Certificate from my Home State of Georgia, so I checked the net and saw their website, followed instructions and sent off details of my mom’s maiden name, etc. & $25 bucks. So not wanting to befuddle their weak redneck brains by saying I live in Mexico I told them to mail it to my cousins house in San Antonio… It showed up a week later… this was in January, My Cuz FedXed it to me.. (another $25 bucks).. It got here I presented it to Mexican Authorities and they said…”But it has to have an Apostille”… “Whats that”.. Ïts a special seal that the Stae Department puts on Documents to show they’re genuine.”  Note: ( This is more Government Bullshit to bleed money from  its beleagured citizens) . So I call a friend in Atlanta… Can you take this down and ask for an Apostille?  “Yes”… I send it… A week later he calls… they say they cant accept it because the Signature on the Birth Certificate is rubber stamped not signed in ink.    So he goes to Vital Statistics to get one in ink.   They tell him No we cant do that… he talks to 3 different people and gets 3 different answers.  I call twice … now a month has passed .. finally someone at the main office says mail it to us.  I tell my friend.. just drop in an an envelope with a return envelope to your house.  “I hope they don’t throw it in the trash “he says.

Well its not worth a crap anyway so we have nothing to lose.

Ten Days later it shows up in TEXAS at my cousins…. but it’s now signed in ink … So I tell my cuz, ” send it to the Apostille office with 3 bucks and a return envelope and let us pray that something happens and God will intervene. ”

Ten days later it shows up with the Apostille seal  so my cuz FedX’s it to me and it shows up in Mexico 4 days later….   Total time wasted by Dummies in Georgia .. 3 months… cost just over $100 bucks.   Burrocrats!!! lots of burros.


burro- crats .


So now I have to get a Federal Mexican Criminal backgroud check…. got to go to Mexico City to get it so I get up at 6:30 along with my wife and we catch a bus to the BIG TAMALE… get there at  9AM , catch a cab to the location and they tell me No we dont do those here you have to go to a different location about 20 blocks away. 


metro bus mexico city


 Finally after two bus rides we find the place and there are 250 people already in line waiting for the same thing. OK. so after about an hour someone  comes down the line checking papers and we go into the main building. Another line… 250 people in front of me 200 behind me. They wouldnt let my wife come in with me. after ten minutes two Federal Police with machine guns come down and said,” Is Robert Cox here?

The long arm of the law

  ”  Yeah thats me, I’m wondering whats going on. They said “come with us”. we start outside and they said, “Wait here”. At the front of the line, My wife was stading at the front door, She said , “I told them it wasnt right to make a person of your age to wait so long, so they’re putting you at the front.”  The Fuzz, said “OK., You can go in, twenty at a time… we went in, in 5 minutes they gave me my Background check paper and said, we’ll check you out later and if we find something wrong we’ll arrest you in a day or two.”    OK, Thanks boys and may God protect you from Drug Cartels supported by American Drug Addicts”

yahoo !!

9 thoughts on “Getting a Criminal Background Check

  1. LOL… dummies from our city????? thats not new….
    Burro-crats thats my new word LOL… well you almoust go to the end of the line. Im so happy

  2. Sounds like someone’s applying for naturalization! You won’t be a citizen by the end of this year.

  3. Wow! They really took you for a ride haha

    I love when I work hard to get some insane document, only to show up at immigration in Cancun and have them tell me “Oh, you don’t need this. Here you go…”


    1. How true… if you check Gov’t. websites you see a list of things that “Are absolutely necessary “and then they don’t even look at them. At least they didn’t say, “The “i “doesnt have a dot over it”…(at least not yet).

  4. Fantastic that Raquel was resourceful, in getting you quickly relocated near the front of the line. If we ever find ourselves in a “long, and slow moving line”, perhaps we need to try Raquel’s approach to remedy the situation. Good luck with your dual citizenship quest.

  5. I love it, Bob, especially the last part about arresting you in a day or two if they find something wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hilarious. I only went through the residency process and thank goodness, the UDLA handled that for me. Well, I’m happy you are persisting. See you soon.

  6. Hi iam trying to get a background check for my fiancé from Mexico to have them send here to u.s but no one will give me answers

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